at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
