there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
