He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
