return my video game
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
