I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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