Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
