so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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