Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
