Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
