Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize