Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
