I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
