We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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