I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
