This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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