my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She bit a glass in half.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
