so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
