What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
