So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
