if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
