Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
