I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
