"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
