I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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