Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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