i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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