Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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