How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
