Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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