does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
