If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
smell my finger.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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