SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
