There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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