I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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