oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
