Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
