Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
