Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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