So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
