Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
