I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
