I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
