You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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