I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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