Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
