i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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