can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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