I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
