I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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