I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
