Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
