made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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