this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
