you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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