I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
