Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
