the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I queefed so loud it echoed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
