last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
