I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
