so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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