girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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