The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
