that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
