mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
