Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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