Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
