I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
