Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
