I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
