No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
