you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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