well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My ass is underappreciated
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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